tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
