...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
