sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
