Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
