I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
