He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
