his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
