We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
