We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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