so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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