So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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