If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
