im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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