i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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