Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
