Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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