Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
