I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Holy sore nipples Batman
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize