Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize