my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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