Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
