I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
