3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
