do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
