Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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