no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
nutella sex= disaster
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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