you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
