the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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