Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
