Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
