I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
