the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
