Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
