im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
