I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
