omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
