This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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