Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I smell stomach acid.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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