I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
