I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
worst night to have a conscience
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
