True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
