I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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