you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
