Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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