I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
