Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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