Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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