Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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