drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Are we still banned from the library?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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