Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
