So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
