sarcasm needs its own font
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
