I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
