New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
