White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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