Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
