Your face is a jimmy john
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
