is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
