dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
